To the best of our knowledge, good wine does exist out there. Maybe you can find it at the Central Otago, Martinborough, or Canterbury wineries where middle-aged mums flock in the summer months. But Cleanskin Sauvignon Blanc makes this hard to believe. With each reluctant sip it extinguishes all hope of a drop that doesn’t burn on the way down.
Tackling wine is a gamble, as we risk possibly offending 90% of the Law students and Dunedin News Facebook group members out there. It’s said that wine is an “acquired taste” so we put this to the test, trekking out to New World Gardens to grab the cheapest bottle of wine they had (Spotify took the last of my money so this Sav is the best we’re getting).
Boy, was it an experience. There was blood, sweat, and vomit all involved in a night I can't really remember. After the first gulp of the Sauvignon Blanc, I felt a shiver run down my spine at the thought of tomorrow’s hangover. I was reminded by a sensible friend that you're supposed to eat before you drink (lame) and that this wine is primarily drunk at a Mexican or Indian BYO joint (mostly because it's so cheap). But I ignored them, opting to raw dog it instead. I would not recommend.
I’d honestly rather go to the servo and sip on some 95 or Diesel straight from the tank than drink this again. The sea-salty aftertaste and Seine river E. coli colour would probably kill anyone that hasn’t trained on Cheekys or green Cruisers. Its awful taste lingers harder and longer than the Cranberries’ song, and doesn't seem to go away despite how drunk you get throughout the night. No surprises, honestly, coming from a wine that is at the very bottom of the shelf, and has objectively one of the worst labels. Negative points for creativity.
Halfway through the bottle and the Sauvignon Blanc remains consistently dreadful. I don't know how these mums do it – though, in fairness, if I had three kids, I'd probably drink this every night too. The only positive that came from the night was that the wine clocks in at $8.19 for 750ml and is guaranteed to get you fucking ruined. If you're looking to be legless and don't care about how it tastes – or most importantly don't care about feeling awful the next day – this is the wine for you! Drink at your own risk xoxo
Pairs well with: BYO chicken tikka masala
X factor: Can save wine bottle for top shelf flat decorating
Hangover depression level: 9.5/10. Have Powerade on speed dial
Taste Rating: 1/10 would rather drink WD-40