Pisces
This week's weather will be your downfall. Make sure that the first thing you do in the morning is check the MetService app – no one wants to be the person who gets caught in the rain in a t-shirt or forgets to put a top under their hoodie on what feels like the hottest day ever.
Cartoon rec: Regular Show
Libra
We’ve been trying to reach you about your degree’s extended warranty… its time to join the long line at Ask Otago because something is seriously fucked up in your eVision applications.
Cartoon rec: Solar Opposites
Aries
You have a sore joint from an unfortunate St Paddy's day accident that could use a check up from someone more qualified than your SPEX flatmate. Have to make sure you're fit and able to bust down on the floor at Catacombs’ next big event.
Cartoon rec: Gravity Falls
Sag
As a Sagittarius you have the most creative ways of getting out of having to socialise with your friends but it's time to stop cancelling last minute and to start going out because you’re only young for a short amount of time and it's honestly kinda scary to be the old guy in a club.
Cartoon rec: Arcane
Aquarius
Are you ready to start thinking about actually saving and not just being ok with the $200 dollars that sit in your account? If you really want to have a Euro summer (the one you’ve been telling everyone who will listen) then you gotta start picking up some extra shifts or stop going through three vapes a week.
Cartoon rec: Paradise PD
Scorpio
Okay so here's the real talk: just because you're a Scorpio and being a bitch comes easily, that doesn't give you an excuse to be the biggest cunt in the room all the time. So this week why don’t you surprise someone by being nice?
Cartoon rec: The Simpsons
Cancer
Your bedsheets are crying out to be washed. The coffee and food stains are not pretty and if you actually ever want someone of your desired sex to wanna come and get down and dirty, then you really gotta step up your room cleaning game!
Cartoon rec: BoJack Horseman
Leo
This week's lectures are going to be very important for the upcoming assignments so try to stay locked into what the lecturers are talking about and not be watching a basketball game or playing Wordle.
Cartoon rec: Invincible
Capricorn
Have you spoken to your parents much this month? They miss you and just want to hear the lies that you have been learning heaps and not drinking too much. Remember that to make them think you’re not a boring fuck, just throw in your most tame story about a friend on the piss.
Cartoon rec: American Dad
Taurus
This week you will bring shame to your whole flat by getting UberEats from a restaurant that is within 500m of your flat. Don't worry, we have all done it – but just don't tell anyone aye.
Cartoon rec: Big Mouth
Virgo
When ordering your daily coffee, get a large and maybe add an extra shot. This weeks going to be rough and you certainly will not be getting enough sleep to power you through it so caffeine will be your best friend.
Cartoon rec: Adventure Time
Gemini
This week you will meet your twin. Not literally but you will meet someone who will, in a sense, complete you. They will encourage all your bad ideas and you will often run into them on campus wearing suspiciously similar outfits.
Cartoon rec: Rick and Morty