Pisces
Now is the time to start picking up a bit more responsibility. You have coasted along as a ‘teenager’ for long enough, your resume is looking a little light and applications for summer internships open soon.
You as party food: Lamingtons
Libra
A little birdy told me that you have been a mean friend as of late. It's time to take a long look in the mirror and decide if you could handle your brand being the fact that you're a Prick with a capital P. Your mum might find it adorable, but the world probably won't.
You as party food: Chips and Kiwi onion dip
Aries
As an Aries you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, however you're getting a week off, so live up this anxiety free time to the fullest. You never know when you will be able to have a conversation with a lecturer without getting stress sweat stains.
You as party food: Boozy trifle
Sagittarius
Sagittarius, your sex life is going to thrive this week. You will be able to bend and fold in ways you never have before and god is it going to feel good. Even if you're stuck on a king single or have the squeakiest bedframe of all time, this sex is going to rock your world.
You as party food: Mini quiches
Aquarius
It's time to give your water bottle a huge clean. The mold isn't building up your immune system, it's the reason you call in sick so often at work. So roll your sleeves up and use your wanking muscles to give that straw a real good scrub.
You as party food: Devilled eggs
Scorpio
You are going to receive a boom of likes on your Thursday morning sunrise story post, giving you the energy boost you needed to have an aesthetic and fun weekend. Save your pocket money and treat yourself to a $9 coffee at the farmer’s market or a gelato at St Clair.
You as party food: Cheese rolls
Cancer
You are going to receive a shitty grade this week and when you read back through your work it will make complete sense. Sometimes correct grammar is important, and this was one of those times… oops.
You as party food: Cheerio sausages
Leo
Life’s been feeling a bit lacklustre lately. But don't worry; a new hobby is coming your way, and it's going to change your life. Whether it brings you better quality of life, some cash or new friends, it's a big win.
You as party food: Cream puffs
Capricorn
This week you will have a deep realisation of just how fucking old you feel. Whether it's seeing an ‘07 baby buy alcohol or seeing your friend get engaged, it's going to come tumbling down on you like a stack of old crusty bricks.
You as party food: Fairy bread
Taurus
Inner peace has found its way to you, Taurus. Take some time to bask in the warm glow of a less stressful day. Do whatever you need to do to maintain this mood. A wake and bake or a yoga session should help to maintain your zen.
You as party food: Sausage rolls
Virgo
Someone will misquote you this week, leading to a minor but deeply annoying PR crisis in your friend group. If we have survived a century of angry letters, you can survive this, just draft your Instagram apology with care.
You as party food: Twisties
Gemini
It’s only April and your burnout is already kicking in. Grab a bottle of red, chuck on some slippers, and Hemingway your way to finish your assignments just in the nick of time. You may find that you're the smartest person on earth by using this method, but more likely that is not the case.
You as party food: Oven chips