Columns

Hi everybody!

Weclome back! While home for the holidays, many readers would have gotten the “how’s uni?” and this week’s column is all about that question. Rather than the usual grunted “fine,” I want to get deep about it; deeper than a deep sea diver with a massive knob gets inside his girlfriend.

Now some of you will be wondering why the hell the diver part of that simile was needed. In this instance it was to set up your expectations for some sort of diving related punchline (“Mariana? I barely know ‘er!”) so I could subvert that preconceived idea in a thematic link to the column. Also all deep sea divers have massive knobs. Probably. Anyway, let’s talk subverted expectations.

See, we come to Uni with these preconceived ideas of what things are going to be like, usually spurred on by siblings’ or parents’ embellished war stories. Newcomers generally think uni will be a fairly liberal place where you can reinvent yourself and be a “Scarfie, bro!” and returners generally have expectations about flatting and partying in the Octagon for the first time, having rightly stayed away during first year. Thing is, uni is never what we expect and our expectations trap us in boxes tighter than a hot air balloonist’s. (All hot air balloonists have tight vaginas. Probably.)

Grossly simplifying, we get trapped in one of two ways:

1) Things aren’t what we expected and the ensuing disappointment means we retreat into ourselves mentally, blaming ourselves for the situation. The classic example is the closeted kid expecting the campus to be more gay-friendly than San Francisco during Mardi Gras. While they’re likely to find uni a bit better than school, Otago’s not exactly Emerald City: your problems aren’t magically solved when you get here and that realisation can be devastating.

2) We try so hard to make things like what we (or others) expect that we end up doing stuff we hate doing, feeling guilty and worthless for it. The classic example is the kid who gets the reputation as “the party animal” and feels pressured to always be the drunken life of the party even when they just want to relax.

Both traps are ridiculously common and can wreak havoc on your mental wellbeing if left unchecked. So be aware that expectations and reality are always different, and don’t be afraid to say if this divide is taking its toll on you – the OUSA Support Centre is great at helping with this. Right – that’s enough mental health stuff for a while! Next week let’s talk Small Dick Syndrome (divers need not read it). Till then!