Columns

Rating: 2/5 Coffee Cups

M and G decided it was necessary when writing a coffee column to visit the institution that is Starbucks, KFC’s “classy” cousin. Dunedin’s branch of this chain of creamy American coffee is located on the corner of George and St Andrews Streets, a prime location for a coffee shop. The décor is generic chic with a nice fireplace, some sticky tables and comfy chairs (you can’t fault them on their comfy chairs.)

With lines practically out the door, Starbucks must be doing something right. They excel in their good service, Keep Cups and merch-and-condiment-station (with cinnamon, chocolate AND nutmeg on offer), not to mention those wee cardboard sleeves that everyone loves.

The baristas (who are pretty babein’) have that fantastic chain-store customer service: they’re friendly, well-trained and churn through the long lines of customers with ease. M and G were impressed at how well they can decode the strange Starbucks jargon, e.g. “grande-quadruple-shot-Oreo-dulce-orange-mocha-soy-Frappucino-cream-on-top-with-cinnamon.”

G ordered a caramel macchiato as she’d heard a lot about them – a short one, about the size of a regular flat white. This macchiato was, in fact, America-speak for a caramel latte and tasted like pure glucose topped with milk fresh from the udder. It was constructed perfectly, as it was meant to be – you can’t fault the poor baristas for having to make this creamy sweet beverage that Starbucks like to call coffee. The food is all pre-packaged and processed – you’re better off getting food from the Countdown bakery – but who can resist those impulse macaroon purchases at the counter?

M and G hate the eye-talian coffee sizes – venti is like a bucket with a lid. Upon claiming a free beverage, M was convinced by the barista to get the latter’s signature coffee – apparently popular with customers. He ended up walking out with a quadruple-shot venti vanilla raspberry mocha with caramel drizzle and whipped cream (WHO is ordering this and HOW is it a customer favourite?) The coffee itself normally sells for the same amount as a small hatchback, so thank God it was free.

Starbucks on the weekend is hell on earth, overrun by high school students pretending they are in Sex and the City and bogan queens taking their Ed Hardy ugg boots out for a stroll. During the working week, it isn’t too bad; indeed, during exam mania last year, M even found some solace studying there.

After their experience, M and G weren’t sure if they were feeling the caffeine hit or a sugar high, and scuttled out of the place with no dignity, furry teeth, and suspected diabetes.