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This week, I’m going to teach you how to DO science, bitches. This is something you can do in your own kitchen, not something you have to take an RV into the desert for. This one is super easy, and you should have everything you need already (unless you’re so Scarfie that you don’t even have dish soap).

Ever wanted to check out your own DNA? Well, now you can! Follow the steps below and you can look at your own DNA. Sweet.

1) Spit into a small glass, clear container, or test tube if you have one. That shot glass you nicked from the Cook last week will work perfectly. Make sure you run your tongue around the inside of your cheek to dislodge a few of the soft cells on the sides. And make sure it’s a decent amount of spit, otherwise you won’t see a whole lot.

2) Add a small drop of detergent (not too much or you’ll end up with a bubbly mess). Cover the top of your vessel and give it a gentle shake up. The detergent will break up the cells in your spit, allowing the DNA to come out. Add a pinch of salt, and give it another swirl. Try to make sure you don’t let it get foamy.

3) Grab your closest bottle of cheap vodka or other alcohol (make sure it’s clear). Use a squeezy bottle, or gently tip it down the side of your vessel, so it makes a layer at least half an inch thick on top of your spit mixture. Have a look at the divide between the layers – you should be able to see the strands of DNA floating up. They’ll look like tiny strands of cotton. Grab a toothpick and you can try and pick them up, or mix them around.

4) Congrats! You just did science. Put your DNA in a jar, show it to your friends, weird out your flatmates, use it for a red card. The possibilities are endless.

If this didn’t work, you’re grossed out by your own saliva, or there’s just not enough DNA there to satisfy your curiosity, try mashing up a strawberry or kiwifruit and straining out the juice – just make sure to leave the lumps out. These guys have TONS of DNA in them so you should have no problems seeing it.

Flop this one out at the next party and show your friends how great you are at science, bitches.