Columns

Whether it’s from the privacy of your private porn collection, or from your weekly Orange is the New Black fix, I’m sure the majority of Critic readers have seen some kind of raunchy lesbian sex scene. But how accurate are those scissoring scenes that you pleasure yourself to in portraying how lesbians have sex? While I acknowledge that some lesbians, or even spaghetti girls (straight until they are wet), love to scissor, not all of us do. So next time you are quizzing your token lesbian friend about what we do in the sack, please do not assume that we all like to get off in the same stereotypical way. This brings us to the question for this week, which is how do lesbians REALLY have sex? The answer is five simple words ... HOWEVER THE HELL THEY WANT.

Okay, so now that I have destroyed all your pornographic fantasies of lesbians with ridiculously long nails (seriously how many lesbians have nails like that?!) scissoring each other, let me tell you about some other ways that lesbians like to get the job done. Lesbians can have sex in many different ways, which means that I can’t cover them all in this article. Because of this I will focus on two specific types of lesbian sex. Before I move onto the vast world of lesbian sex I would like to quickly note that, yes, lesbians can still contract STI’s, so whether you are making love to a lifelong partner, or just popping into the bathroom for a quickie with someone you just met, make sure you are being safe! Condoms and toy cleaner can be used to protect toys and dentals dams can help with any mouth-to-vag action.

The first type of lesbian sex is with dildos and strap-ons. I would like to start off by saying that just because some lesbians like to use toys in the bedroom does not mean that we aren’t “real” lesbians. I have come across this issue not only with my heterosexual friends but also with past sexual partners who think that just because lesbians like to get down and dirty with penis-shaped objects that we are in same way betraying our lesbianism – this is NOT true. With that rant out of the way let’s talk dongs: just like clothes, dildos and strap-ons can come in all shapes and sizes and, like clothes, it’s important to find one that fits your body just right. If you are a first timer I recommend starting off small and working your way up until you find the size that fits your body just right – you can even place a vibrator on the clitoris at the same time to spice things up. Lubricant is a useful tool to have if this is the type of thing that tickles your fancy (or should I say fanny), as it will help things to go in more smoothly.

Finally let’s look at grinding or good old fashioned humping. Contrary to popular belief not all woman need to be penetrated to cum, in fact some woman can do it by just having some friction on the clitoris. Grinding up against you partner may be the way to give your clitoris the well needed rub it deserves while leaving your hands free to have a good feel around of the rest of your partner’s body.

Unfortunately those are the only two types of lesbian sex we have time for this week but stay tuned for next week where we will be talking lesbian sex positions!