Critic’s infamous blind-date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mis-matched pairs, and the occasional hookup.
Each week, we lure two singletons to Dog With Two Tails, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this svounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned —if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name. And that won’t end well for you.
His - Griffiths
After a sexless and sad semester I caught wind that a mate, who was “unable” to attend the blind date had pulled out. I leapt at the chance to do likewise (after a lovely date) with a lovely girl.
In true Dunedin fashion I got ready for my date with a warm shower and cold wine funnel. I donned my finest shirt and (not wanting to outdo my date) a pair of filthy pants. I came into the fine establishment of the Dog with Two Tails, and begun a date with a lovely lass, who was great company. With great amounts of alcohol already coursing through my veins we ordered another bottle of wine, and the conversation really started flowing. Despite my horrible chat she seemed to be enjoying herself and the topic of where to go from here popped up. We wandered around and found ourselves conveniently located at my flat.
I invited her inside, strictly to see my etchings, one thing led to another and we were in bed before I could say “Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me” - she was taking advantage of me. All of this turned out to be inconsequential as there was a third member at this party who was playing us both for fools, this quickly forced us to cuddle.
All in all an enjoyable night thanks to Critic, rate it 10/10 would do again, although I must apologise to my date for my impairment.
Hers - Harris
So after being overly psyched up for the night by my very enthusiastic, yet highly sober, flatmates I managed to down a bottle of wine and set off for my date in true drunken fashion. I was truly looking forward to a night of being plied with free alcohol and food. Walking into Dog With Two Tails I was more than happy to lay my drunk eyes on my date, who in fact was very cute and had too already downed a bottle of wine! After deciding that the tab best be spent on more alcohol, besides a bowl of fries, we went on with our night with great chat.
Our time consisted largely of football chat (thankfully landed myself with a bloke who also plays this wonderful game) and the usual drunk topics. The bar tab was slowly decreasing so we decided to get out of there and make the chilly walk back to his place. The walk was rather cute, as he let me use his puffer jacket pocket to keep me wee hand warm. We were both extremely drunkipants when got to his place, so we played a bit of ‘scrabble’ to pass the time…
Following this fun game I set off for my warm bed while he went for more alcohol, so he walked me to the door in true gentlemanly fashion. When I reached my flat I was greeted by my entire flat overly intrigued by my drunkness and the fact that my shirt was on inside out (in my defence I knew that but couldn’t be bothered trying again). So cheers Critic and Dog With Two Tails for a smashing night, you’ve succeed to make my week.