Lecturer Tells IT Person to Get Fucked
He’s had it. After ten years of computers, OHPs and sound systems not working in lectures, a brave lecturer has finally told a patronising member of the IT support staff to get fucked. Students in the first year class couldn’t believe what they had just witnessed, but the lecturer now feels so relieved he has taken one for the team and told the IT staff where to stick it. “That’ll teach them to walk in my lecture theatre and scoff when I tell them the computer won’t turn on,” the lecturer told the Critical Tribune.
Liberal Snowflakes Offended by “Mock Other People’s Dead Relatives” Themed Party
Stuff commenters and Hyde St bros were furious this week after a bunch of pansy snowflakes got offended about a party where people were encouraged to dress up as the brutally murdered relatives of other people.
“It’s just a joke bro,” said one of the organizers. “Yeah, we’re causing people to relive the trauma of their loved ones graphically bleeding to death, but it’s not serious. People shouldn’t be so sensitive.”
Pair Uses Each Other’s Full First Names to Kink Things up During Sex
In a shocking new report, a white hetero couple have spiced up their missionary sex by using each other’s full first names. “Hello Patricia,” said Harry in his best relief teacher voice, “would you like me to put my penis inside your naughty vagina?” “Oh, yes, Harold,” she groaned, putting Harry in mind of a sexy version of his grandmother.
Later the same night, sources told the Tribune that the pair attempted to use medically correct terminology in a last ditch to actually be aroused in each other’s presence. “Fondle my mammary glands, Harold!”
“It’s Mother’s Milk, Mate,” Says Idiot Drinking Something Awful
Local moron Kane Wilson reckons he actually likes Fireball whiskey, despite it being a terrible, awful drink that no one should ever drink. In fact, he is so stupid that he actually brought a whole fucking bottle of it to Shazza’s 21st on Saturday without any mixers. “Nah mate, it’s fucking good, mother’s milk bro, mother’s milk,” he repeatedly said to anyone who questioned his choice of drink. According to reports, no one gave a shit, and continued to drink their own drinks that actually tasted good.