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Not to promote cooking and drinking (sorry NZ fire-safety ads from 2012), but risotto truly is the one dish where a glass of wine in hand is practically essential, or at the very least encouraged. The art of cooking risotto is a long, slow, and savoury process. There’s very little pressure points other than the need for a strong hand for stirring, which is where you can finally put your teenage masturbation to good use. Other than stirring the pot, no more than your usual group chat, all that’s left to do is schmooze with a chardonnay over dim kitchen lighting. So drink up my pals, and after a couple of glasses you’ll be perfectly poised to ravish this delicious little dish.

Ingredients

•  2 stock cubes of your choosing
• 1 onion, 3 cloves of garlic, you know the drill
• 400g of button mushrooms
• 2 cups risotto rice (also called arborio)
• ½ glass of white wine (see, if the wine is already out, you might as well help yourself)
• 1 tbsp of olive oil
• 1 cup of grated parmesan cheese (tasty will do in a pinch)

Optional but encouraged:

• Crispy onions
• 1 packet of Dried Sliced Shiitake Mushrooms

Serves: A dazzling 4

Method

1. Boil the kettle and gently crush your 2 stock cubes under your fingers, breaking the cube within the precious tin foil. Pour 8 cups of hot water and the crushed stock into a bowl, stirring to dissolve.
2. In the largest pot you have, cook the sliced onion until translucent, then add in garlic and chopped mushrooms. Cook for about 4 minutes, seasoning with salt and pepper.
3. Once golden and delightful, remove mixture from pot and set aside. In the same pot, add your rice (JUST by itself, no water). You want those wee grains nice and crispy, so make sure they don’t burn and stir quickly. Use a wooden spoon if you can, stirring for about 2 minutes.
4. Add the wine. This is going to help lift all those heavenly scraps of onion and garlic left behind. Keep stirring until wine is dissolved.
5. Now, add a ladle full of hot stock. Mmm. This is going to be a recurring plot point but: keep stirring. The stirring shouldn’t be aggressive, but it should be relatively constant. Keep an eye on the bottom, you want that slimy trail of liquid to be mostly absorbed before you add your next ladle. This might take a good 5, maybe even 10 minutes between each ladle, so as you can tell, it’s a fucking long process.
6. Keep stirring and adding stock until the rice is beautiful and creamy. Keep drinking, all this stirring is thirsty work. Make sure to taste in order to determine if the rice is cooked. I wish I could lie here but it’ll probably take at least 30-40 minutes before done.
7. Once looking good, add back in your mushroom mixture from before. Grate in some parm, still stirring (I swear to God this is all worth it).
8. Serve with crispy onions and shiitake mushrooms if that’s your jam. Enjoy this hot, creamy rice on a cold winter's night with friends, lovers and family. Finish your wine, you earned it.