If you’re anything like me, alcohol that doesn’t taste like alcohol is the best kind of alcohol ever. Smirnoff’s goon sack of cranberry juice and vodka is that alcohol. I’d be convinced that it was just pure cranberry juice if it didn’t make me send 3am ‘u up? x’ texts. This goon goes down dangerously easily and gets bonus points for helping cure my UTIs <3
If you thought this was sounding too good to be true, you’d be right. This wildly delicious drinky costs $20.99 and the pay off isn’t even that worth it. For 2L worth of liquid, I’d expect a lot more than 9 standard drinks. Like, you will get so bloated drinking this goon and for what? Unless you’re abstaining from eating and drinking water for at least 12 hours prior to consumption, you’re definitely gonna need to rax a few drinks to keep to mojo going for the whole night.
In spite of its low standard count, if you’re prepared to sink this baby in less than 10 minutes you will be a liability to all of your friends for the rest of the night. Take caution with this approach; when I was young and naive I decided to try and finish it under a minute. I was successful, and proceeded to live out a bad bitch life for the next 20 minutes while everyone hyped me and my talents up. But then things took a turn for the worse, and I ended up passed out in the bath of a stranger’s house with no idea of where I was, no phone, and some sifty guy tryna get on my dick. This gorgeous drink is a perfect example of when the things you love the most hurt you the most
Taste rating: 10/10
Pairs well with: Flirting with boys to get free drinks.
Tasting notes: Bittersweet
Froth level: When you find out your UTI is finally gone