Oof, things are a bit blurry this morning. You’ve ended up in the paddy wagon (again!) but this time, you’re not sure how. Let’s see if we can piece things together: how did you get arrested?
You’ve got a big night coming up, so the first stop is the piss shop. What are you buying?
1. Just a sixer of beers
2. Bottle o’ Sav
3. Scrumpy, one for each hand
4. Slab of Cody’s
5. Purple G’s, always
6. The cheapest whiskey money can buy
7. As many Baltika 9 Extra Strongs as you can carry
After the piss shop, you head home to the flat to find your mates passed out from the night before. What do you do?
1. Close the door quietly and head to your room until they wake up
2. Join your homies in bed
3. Wake ‘em up gently with some tunes
4. Wake ‘em up abruptly with a “LESHGO”
5. Use this opportunity to tap into their MD supply
6. Draw dicks all over their face
7. Haircut time
Once your mates are up and raring to go, it’s time to build the playlist for pres. What’s headlining it?
1. Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me
2. Gorillaz - Cracker Island
3. Savage - Swing
4. Finger Eleven - Paralyzer
5. Luude - Down Under
6. Sub Focus & Dimension - Desire
7. Darude - Sandstorm
Pres are in full swing, the crowd is bumping, and it’s all going great until you hear something from outside… what was THAT?
1. It was your neighbours, actually
2. Just a really hype pong game
3. Cheers from a crowd watching sock wrestling
4. Yardie glass hitting the pavement
5. Traffic cone getting thrown through a window
6. Ol’ mate taking a nosedive
7. A victory cry after a successful sesh of naked goanna wrestling
After that little fiasco, you decide it’s time to hit town. Where are you headed?
1. Pequeño
2. The Craic
3. Carousel
4. Vault 21
5. DSC
6. Suburbia
7. Catacombs
Once you’re there, you notice there’s a bit of a queue to get in. You…
1. Ask nicely if you can get let in first
2. Wait your turn and flirt with the bouncer
3. Spend your time rehearsing the details on your ID in case you forget your own name
4. Cut to your friends at the front of the queue
5. Don a high vis and pretend you’re meant to be there
6. Stumble through the gate and somehow manage to shake off the bouncer
7. Pull the fire alarm in the bar next door to cause a distraction and then walk right in
Success! You’re in. You’ve got a drink in hand, and you’re swimming your way through the crowd. Suddenly, a Swanndri-sporting bogan bumps into you and spills your drink across the floor. What do you do?
1. Just go home, it wasn’t vibing anyway
2. Use the opportunity to make a new friend
3. Pretend it’s your fault because you’re scared of mullets
4. Get pissed and demand he buy you a new one
5. Swat his drink out of his hand, just for good measure. #equality
6. Remind him that your dad’s a lawyer
7. Drop the fulla
Next thing you know, it’s 3am. Your memory of the last few hours is totally gone, except for one distinct moment. You have no idea what the context is, but you can definitely remember something about:
1. Ducks
2. Feet
3. Tongues
4. Glass
5. Screaming
6. Fire
7. Sirens
You stumble home and pass out, only to wake up next morning to a knock on your door. It’s the cops. They have a warrant out for your arrest, because last night - apparently - you…
Mostly 1’s: Herded a flock of seagulls into Catacombs
Mostly 2’s: Wouldn’t stop stealing stranger’s shoes to do shoeys from
Mostly 3’s: Poured an entire sheet of acid into the communal water supply
Mostly 4’s: Kept sinking pints at Eleven Bar and then throwing the empty glasses into the street
Mostly 5’s: Hotwired a digger on George Street and took it for a joyride
Mostly 6’s: Burned a couch, but it was INSIDE the bar
Mostly 7’s: Smashed the windows in on a cop car and pissed inside