Culture

The frost-bitten landscape of Ōtepoti doesn’t exactly provide the ideal living environment for houseplants – or students, for that matter. But there’s nothing quite like a flat filled with withering houseplants at varying stages of mortality, and this quiz will help you determine which of these fun little seasonal depression cures you are. Remember: you haven’t KILLED every houseplant you’ve owned, you’ve BEATEN every houseplant you’ve owned.
 
What’s your destination on a night out?
a) Do the movies count?
b) Town
c) Castle St
d) Probably just a bush somewhere
e) Flat party
 
How would you describe your music taste?
a) Country
b) Rnb
c) Dnb
d) Whatever Lime Cordiale is
e) Pop
 
Choose your self-affirmation
a) I CAN write an assignment overnight
b) I am NOT hungover at work
c) I spend my student loan WISELY
d) I CAN quit vaping
e) I am NOT cold
What kind of partner are you?
a) Pretty much a parent
b) I’m happier single
c) Kind of jealous
d) Very chill
e) I need more attention than my houseplants
 
What are you doing on a sunny day?
a) Putting out some washing
b) Could go for a walk or something
c) Beach!
d) Buying a box for some day drinking
e) Studying, grind never stops
 
Up for a mid-winter swim?
a) Another day maybe
b) If I’m allowed a wetsuit, yeah
c) Did I hear ‘skinny-dip’?
d) I went for a dip this morning
e) You’re kidding, right?

Mostly A - Basil plant on the kitchen sill
You are the mum of the friend group, the go-to when someone needs relationship or life advice. Mates can rely on you to lend a helping hand no matter the time of day. But behind closed doors, you quietly do not have your shit together at all and will definitely break down if your clothes snag on a stray door knob. Some fresh air would probably do you some good, you little hermit. Be careful though: too much direct sunlight may kill you. 
 
Mostly B - Cactus 
Winter blues hit you like a sack of bricks, but the days are getting longer and it’s your time to shine. Time to put down the bong and hit the books. A proud jaywalker, you definitely do not wait for the little green man to tell you when to cross the street. Odds are you are one of those rare individuals who can go straight from Subs to an early morning flight and not break a sweat. What a legend. You also haven’t drunk water in like two weeks and you should really reconsider that.
 
Mostly C - Monstera 
The word ‘budget’ is not in your vocabulary, illustrated by your devotion to the microtrends of Glassons or Hallensteins. You probably still buy takeaways on the reg despite living in a hall because the lasagne ‘isn’t how mum makes it’. You’re popular among mates as a rare car owner for late night supermarket trips, and odds are you all wear Oodies with varying forms of 2014 Pinterest era imagery (looking at you, avocados). Do everyone a favour and throw them on the next couch burning you attend. 
 
Mostly D - Fern
No one can match your ability to sink piss or smoke cones and you wear it as a badge of honour. A true patriot, you can be found parked up at The Bog for every single All Blacks game without fail. You’re their lucky gem. The cold, damp conditions of Dunedin are where you thrive, up for all winter in the South has to offer. Chances are you featured in a snap story being towed on skis behind a lime scooter like the eco-conscious queen you are. 
 
Mostly E - Peace Lily
Exam season is just around the corner as far as you’re concerned, and you already have a stack of flashcards prepped. Tap water is disgusting to you, so you take up half the fridge with a Brita. Often mistaken for a raging flirt, you are actually just a slut for a deep and meaningful on a night out. The pandemic has turned you into a hypochondriac - you don’t have long Covid, you’re just burnt out.