With the new batch of underage freshers, comes a new batch of fake IDs… supplied by a Dunedin security guard who we’ll call McLovin. Multiple sources have told Critic Te Ārohi that McLovin has been charging first-years fiending for a night out upwards of $150 for IDs that had been confiscated from Octagon-frothers. Reduce, reuse, recycle!
Second-year James, who used these services in his first year, told Critic that they’re the real deal. “You’re pretty much guaranteed to get in with one of those fakes,” said James. “Mine looked so much like me I even used it to buy beers at the supermarket.” A more fool-proof plan than trying to pass red onions as brown. To order the fake ID, James had to send a selfie to McLovin so that he could find a similar-looking ID. “He must have a binder full of them or something,” said James. “The whole experience was so strange.”
Postgrad student Lily told Critic she’d also acquired a fakey from a bouncer in her first year. “I didn’t know his name was [McLovin] or anything,” she said. If it’s the same ID-repurposing entrepreneur, this would mean that McLovin has been providing this service for at least four years. “I just saw him in town the weekend after and he winked at me.” McLovin, you dog. Since then, McLovin has allegedly upped his security by no longer offering in-person meetups and opting to go contactless – potentially to maintain his anonymity.
The legend of this Robin Hood character is passed through halls and other spaces where freshers congregate (like Dunedin’s famous Cemetery). Reportedly, many contact McLovin in groups, potentially in hopes of saving a few dollars with some special bulk discount (buy one get one half off?). Having supplied many freshers with IDs throughout the years, McLovin's success rate is sky-high. Critic was unable to find a disgruntled customer: 5 stars all round.
"I thought he was going to just turn me away, but instead he said, 'I might have something that works for you,'" said one first-year student, speaking to Critic Te Arohi under the condition of anonymity. "A few days later, he texted me with a price and pickup location." Critic reached out to McLovin, however at the time of publication has not received a reply (maybe we don’t have enough light left in our eyes, we do turn 100 this year).
Under New Zealand law, the possession or use of a fake ID can result in fines of up to $2,000, though most people are only given an infringement notice of $250. But for a fresher, missing a night out can cost you your social life, so it's worth it to some.
Whether McLovin’s hustle will stand the test of time remains to be seen, but for now, freshers looking for a night out know exactly who to look for: a guy called McLovin.