Dumpy Plain Girl With Good Sense of Humour Wishes that More Guys Would Ask Her About Her Friends

Posted 8:39pm Saturday 17th August 2019

Local 24-year-old office admin assistant Stacey has recently confessed to sources that she would be having the time of her life in this pub, if only some more guys could befriend her and ask her about her thinner, blonder friend Laura. “It’s just really frustrating,” Stacey told Read more...

Gran’s New Reading Glasses Coming in Real Handy For Reading Jayden’s New All-Script Tattoo

Posted 8:38pm Saturday 17th August 2019

“I know the kids are all getting the tattoos these days,” said 71-year-old Barbara. “And so when my grandson Jayden got one on his back, I thought ‘ooh! I need my glasses to see this’ so I went and put them on and I was touched to see a Bible passage.” Sources Read more...

Communist East Dundas Opens New Student Pub, “We-Bar”

Posted 4:54pm Sunday 11th August 2019

The East Dundas soup line has a new competitor as students queue up to grab a pint from We-Bar for only 12,000 Breathamark (roughly converted to NZD $5). The new gastropub was unveiled by the Most Honourable Commander Härleen Veda Hajne herself, headlined by local bands “I’m So Read more...

Girl Resolves to Turn Over New Leaf With a Facemask and Goals During Sunday’s Comedown

Posted 4:53pm Sunday 11th August 2019

Michaela’s life has been falling apart this year. Uni has overwhelmed her, her GPA has slipped, her fitness regime has fallen off the perch and she’s been partying too hard. “I can change,” Michaela told sources recently. “I just need to have visions and goals and some Read more...

Postgrad Student Walks Back to Castle Street at 5pm to Move Car

Posted 4:53pm Sunday 11th August 2019

“Oh shit look at the time,” said local postgraduate student Patrick Glaze (24) as his alarm buzzed. “It’s almost 5pm and it’s getting dark. Those young hooligans will be pouring down Castle in their droves, destroying everything in their wake. I’d better go move Read more...

Local Woman Reckons She Would Fare Pretty Well In Prison

Posted 4:52pm Sunday 11th August 2019

After binge watching the full series of Netflix's Jailbirds, 32-year-old Sara was recently overheard telling friends that she would be sweet as in jail. "I've got lots of tattoos and I'm quite big so I reckon nobody would mess with me," she declared. She figures that with her Read more...

Student Led Lemonade Stand Forcibly Removed From Meridian Mall

Posted 8:22pm Sunday 4th August 2019

Duhamel Bosworth, CEO of Totally Legit Lemonade, was removed from mall grounds last weekend. When security asked Bosworth to present paperwork proving that his stall was permitted in the mall, he presented them with a handwritten note that was "super legit, absolutely real" and not written Read more...

Fucking Sick: Those Guys Just Kicked Over a Rubbish Bin

Posted 8:21pm Sunday 4th August 2019

Bro, fuck yeah. That shit is fucking hilarious. See the way it fell over? And all that garbage fell out? Fuck yeah. Broooo that pizza box just blew onto the road. Know what would be real funny? If someone had to pick all that shit up. Haha, fucking idiots. I bet the garbage dudes are gunna be Read more...

Innovative Marine Biology Major Installs Fish Nets in Leith River, Catches Rare Selection of Billy Mav Cans

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 4th August 2019

Finn Jameson has been looking for a way to make his name known in the competitive world of marine biology, and he might just have caught his big break. Jameson’s thesis was about whether or not the sheer volume of breatha garbage in the Leith was forcing the marine life in the area to grow Read more...

Entire Witchcraft 102 Class Disintegrates After Surprise Rain On Fieldtrip

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 4th August 2019

All students of Witchcraft 102: Hexes In Contemporary Society were reduced to ash after a shock shower last Thursday. “It’s an absolute tragedy. We had such a promising class of crones this year,” said the lecturer for the class, Ethel Turtleback. Miss Turtleback refused to Read more...