Fresher Denies Kissing His Mother

Posted 2:37am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ethan, a fresher at UniCol, has insisted that he “didn’t even” get a kiss from his mum as she was saying goodbye after a recent visit.  Ethan’s parents were down from Auckland on a business trip and “just thought they’d pop by and see how Ethan was Read more...

Dunedin Shitposter Lives Perfectly Wholesome, Balanced Life

Posted 6:39pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin shitposter has revealed the secret to his page’s consistently on-point humour: healthy living.  Tane is the admin of “gear up buttercup,” whose posts about the little everyday struggles of life are beloved by his 23,185 Facebook followers. What few of those Read more...

BCom Student Reckons Weekly Ski Trips Help You Study

Posted 6:40pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Toby Tremain, a BCom student at Otago, has made waves with his bold claims that weekly ski trips help rather than hinder your grades. “Yeah look mate, it’s all about balance isn’t it,” he yelled at the Critical Tribune’s sole reporter out the window of OUSA’s Read more...

GRFT101 Is The First Ever Tertiary-Level Grifting Course

Posted 6:02pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Otago Universe-City LTD has released a new product to the North Dunedin market. The limited liability company said in a press release that it was “excited” and “thrilled” to be offering the southern hemisphere’s first class on grifting as a first step in establishing Read more...

Third-Year Blames Freshers For Illness, Not Week of Binge Drinking

Posted 6:03pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Logan, a third year student studying geography, has come to the conclusion the Fresher Flu, spread by first-years, is to blame for his current cough and runny nose. He has been on a bender for five days but he insists that this is unrelated to his current illness.  “My immune system is Read more...

Fresher Finally Meets Someone From Mosgiel

Posted 4:43pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Mosgiel is a place that many people have only heard about, but UniCol fresher Aimee Fredericks was lucky enough to meet someone hailing from just west of Dunedin at a party in Re-O. “I’d only ever heard about the Mosgiel sign on the news!” she said. “The first time I drove Read more...

Guy Buys Girlfriend Incorrect Tampons, Hailed By The Boys As Hero

Posted 1:01am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Davo was recently the talk of the town after actually nipping up to Gardens New World to buy his girlfriend sanitary products. “What a good guy,” said his mate Freddy. “So brave”, said Jono, nodding in agreement. Davo told the Tribune that on the way back from picking up Read more...

Other Students Fascinated, Dazzled, and In a General State of Awe That You Know the DJ

Posted 7:59pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Students were overwhelmed with Fanzi Pance’s knowledge of local music when, last Saturday night, he proudly informed the people of Catacombs that he knew the DJ. “I’ve never met someone who knows a DJ before,” gushed Jessica, who had consumed two blueberry cruisers that Read more...

Otago’s New Vice-Chancellor Revealed

Posted 8:01pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Following months of speculation, the Uni’s newest Vice-Chancellor has been named as AirFryer PROMAX-XL®. It is Otago’s first Vice-Chancellor of Chinese origin, the first to be a kitchen appliance, and the second soulless machine to hold the position.  The appointment was Read more...

North Islander Discovers the Hype Behind Cheese Rolls

Posted 9:35pm Monday 26th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

In a stunning and unexpected U-turn hailed as a new dawn for inter-island relations, a North Islander tried a cheese roll and understood just why South Islanders love it so much.  James, who was born and bred in Palmerston North, has been a student at Otago for the last four years. Despite Read more...