Grog! is the Australian version of Prime, and that means two things: one, like anything truly Australian, an obscene amount of alcohol is needed; and two, this drink has reached Hyoketsu levels of shameless breatha-targeted marketing. The pretty colours are perfect for an audience who hasn’t yet developed their prefrontal cortex.
Grog! was created by YouTubers Maxmoefoe and Anything4Views, and was formed through their podcast ‘ColdOnes’. It’s what you’d imagine – listening to your mates drunkenly talk shit and thinking that they aren’t being completely punishing. The two seem to have stumbled down the pipeline from “yeah bro we should totally start a podcast" to “yeah bro, let’s make an RTD brand” – often overheard between homies in the Business School. And not only will it be a 6% RTD, but it’ll be shamelessly marketed for the sole purposes of binge-drinking. YEAH LETS GET ON THE GROG! Might as well just name the drink ‘PISS!’
In terms of taste, just imagine the Wish version of a Kirin Hyoketsu – except it's made by Youtubers, so it's grossly more expensive. Grog! itself is made out of Shochu, Vodka, and Soda in the style of a Japanese Hard Soda. Basically, it’s a drink that really leans into the fact that it's low-calorie and sugar-free, which really just means that instead of sugar this drink is packed with so many artificial sweeteners you could be convinced you’re drinking watered down vape juice. Lemon Ice Grog! isn’t terrible by any means, but it might just be the most run of the mill lemon-based RTD out there.
Like any celebrity alcohol brand, a box of these will cost you an arm and a leg for a taste of that sweet, sweet Youtuber clout. A ten-box of these will cost you $33 for 15 standards, with the golden ratio coming in at $2.2 per standard. On a side note, the NZ version of this drink comes in at 5.9% because those cheeky bastards from ColdOnes wanted to avoid the alcohol tax (where 6% and higher drinks are taxed more). If you're going to scam the government, at least make it cheap to get on the Grog!
Pairs well with: Binge-drinking while watching Youtube Shorts
X Factor: Putting Vodka in Prime
Hangover Depression Level: 8/10. Googling the effects of drinking microplastics
Taste Rating: 6/10. Lacks creativity