Booze Review: Gonster

Posted 10:16pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Gin Swigmore

A Gonster in its ideal state (ideal is used loosely here) looks like a slightly disturbing black and green traffic light drink, with the two substances separating like oil and water. Critic’s first attempt at making one didn’t go quite to plan; we weren’t able to get our grubby Read more...

Booze Review: Protein Beer

Posted 6:01pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Gin Swigmore

“Bro, my business creating 0 calorie lemon-flavoured RTDs has gone under, who knew the market was so flooded?”   “Bro, my DJing career has failed and my dad has cut me out of the trust fund because of my crippling weed dependency. How are we going to fuel this Read more...

Booze Review: Bay & Barnes Chardonnay

Posted 11:39pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Gin Swigmore

A wise man once said to never start your wine drinking journey with expensive wines, because then the cheap shit will taste even worse.  Upon ignoring this advice, I quickly learned that the only thing better than an expensive bottle was a free one, especially when it’s stolen from Read more...

The Critic Pie Review

Posted 8:14pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Adam Stitely

The pie. It’s simple, it’s working class. Like L&P and DIY, it’s in our DNA, and just like pavlova, Aussies just don't do it the same. The pie is the go-to meal from any petrol station, dairy or else any other place the marginally cooked food gives you a 50-50 chance of Read more...

Booze Review: Woodstock Whiskey Lemonade

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Gin Swigmore

Woodstock have officially hopped on the ‘soft drinks made alcoholic’ bandwagon with the release of their Ginger Ale and Whiskey Lemonade. This move seems to follow on from the trend of brands making ‘healthy’ RTDs, which just taste like water that’s been left in your Read more...

Girl Power, Girl ... Pilsner?: Critic's rejected booze reviewers

Posted 3:44pm Sunday 23rd February 2025 by Lotto Ramsay

Critic Te Ārohi just found out about all this "feminism" stuff, and we think it's pretty neat. To show what great allies we are, for our hundredth year of publication Critic has our first ever female booze review moniker! Sometimes the reviewer behind the pseudonym is female, too. Read more...

Booze Review: Emerson’s Dirty Bird IPA

Posted 6:49pm Sunday 23rd February 2025 by Gin Swigmore

Welcome back to another year of booze. We’re kicking things off with a bang thanks to the new Emerson’s Dirty Bird, the latest member of the Bird Dog family for all you IPA nerds. Though new on the scene, Dirty Bird is sure to become a household name with its captivating taste, one Read more...

Booze Review: Parrotdog Birdseye

Posted 4:19pm Saturday 7th September 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Parrotdog is patriotic. It’s New Zealand owned and made, and nothing screams New Zealand more than nationwide pride in birds and an economy so dire you’ll have to sell a kidney to afford a box. There wasn’t a price listed on these bad boys, and with there only being three boxes on Read more...

Booze Reviews: Lemon Ice Grog!

Posted 6:57pm Sunday 25th August 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Grog! is the Australian version of Prime, and that means two things: one, like anything truly Australian, an obscene amount of alcohol is needed; and two, this drink has reached Hyoketsu levels of shameless breatha-targeted marketing. The pretty colours are perfect for an audience who hasn’t Read more...

Booze Review: Kingfisher Strong

Posted 4:46pm Saturday 17th August 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Kingfisher Strong, unlike the kōtare, is an allegedly exotic and foreign beer. Yes, it may be foreign, but this beverage tends to be about as exciting as that one wounder at a party showing you his Year 12 1st XV highlights on Hudl whilst unironically calling them his ‘glory Read more...