Booze Review: Parrotdog Birdseye

Booze Review: Parrotdog Birdseye

Parrotdog is patriotic. It’s New Zealand owned and made, and nothing screams New Zealand more than nationwide pride in birds and an economy so dire you’ll have to sell a kidney to afford a box. There wasn’t a price listed on these bad boys, and with there only being three boxes on the shelf, there must’ve been a sale on (because what type of students would be able to afford these otherwise). Naively, a gamble was taken – and that risk did not pay off. Dreading the embarrassment of walking a box back to the chiller, 42 fucking dollars were coughed up. 

It’s not even that special, either. It's the odd cousin of Emerson’s Birddog that doesn’t even slap you in the face with a ridiculous ABV. This is the type of financial decision that leads you to finally selling your lecture notes after having received emails about it every week for the last two years. Should’ve listened to the age old saying: if you have to ask what the price is, you can’t afford it. Anyone who’s gone to Fluid Espresso knows this. Now, don’t get it twisted, I enjoy parrots and dogs as much as any other person, but it's odd enough to have one avian-canine themed beer, but two? That's pushing it. 

Parrotdog embodies the quarter-life crisis demographic who take a sip while pondering whether to run a marathon, take up bouldering, or be drawn into an entrepreneurial multi-level marketing scheme. Drink enough of these, and you’ll land yourself in a combination of all three in what I imagine they get up to at the 445 run club (not that I could ever be fucked getting up early enough to check the theory).

With the grumbles over price and marketing out of the way, let’s get down to the brew itself. It’s pretty good – a clean beer and a decent hazy IPA that doesn’t overwhelm with too much haze or out-the-gate hoppy flavours. Light, sweet and creamy with a bit of citrus that sits in that perfect bubble of taste to satisfaction ratio, which makes it the perfect beer to religiously post on Beer Buddy to prove that your taste is better than everybody else’s. Yeah, I know the craft.

Parrotdog Birdseye’s come in 12 boxes of 330mL cans, rocking in at a nice 5.8% or 1.5 standards per can (a dodgy $2.3 dollars per standard). Bonus points for Parrotdog still being independently New Zealand owned and operated, and not being sold to the large alcohol overlords in Lion and Asahi that seem to own every other brand under the sun. 

Pairs well with: Being unnaturally proud of your chicken wing recipe

X Factor: Showing people your NFT portfolio

Hangover Depression Level: 8/10. Having to only eat noodles for the next week.

Taste Rating: 9/10. A damn good and patriotic brew

This article first appeared in Issue 21, 2024.
Posted 4:19pm Saturday 7th September 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams.