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Hyde Street Keg Party. The big day is coming around quicker than Dave Cull can say “North Dunedin Liquor Ban” so, as the residents of Hyde Street start to prepare themselves and with near to 30 themes already announced, Critic did a bit of recon and found out just what might be in store for the 8,501 eager ants already flaunting their attendance on Facebook.

From Zombie apocalypse to Mexican Border Wars, Hyde Street has it all when it comes to themes. Everyone’s usual favourites are there – Cops & Robbers, Hippies on Hyde, school kids at Hyde Street High – but for anyone who prides themselves on smashing birds, or wants a bit of pushing for the cushion, your number one stop better be Geordie Shore. These resident chavs have a variety of activities planned that will be more satisfying than getting prodded in the sexpit at Monkey. 16 Hyde has brought a little piece of Stiletto’s home and promised to “lube up the pole” that’s installed in their living room. For the less adventurous, a cheeky bevy from the Geordie Bar promises to get the fluids flowing.

A brief encounter with the self-proclaimed “second man to Logan Edgar” proved very informative. This “big man on campus” has some serious plans for his dingy dwelling, with preparations already underway to recreate The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and saw down any trees or branches on the front door step that might limit access to the house. Although Hyde and Go Sleep won’t be offering much shuteye for any partygoers due to their “big speakers”, those out back may be inclined to do a bit of laundry (or some of the boys) if things get too crowded on the pavement.

Speaking of out back, next door at Austin Power’s Shag Pad the fembots have warned that “no one’s shitting in our driveway”, so any excrement should be directed elsewhere (e.g. the supervised portaloos). As for all the hairy-chested males with bad teeth but undeniably cool crushed velvet suits, it’s almost certain that the Shag Pad will be a groovy time. Yeah baby!

Over at the The F Shack a group of stepbrothers has pioneered the day with a Mother Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer-themed flat. When asked just how one might dress for what is typically a Helicopter expo, one stepbrother “was just gonna go as something awesome like a dinosaur”. Regardless of the confusing theme, The F Shack’s recent installation of a concrete patio and bar, which coincidently cuts back on yard work and probably makes more room for activities, is worth a look on the day.

If you’re still struggling for ideas on what to wear, just remember your ABCs: Anything but clothes at Number 23. And just think how proud your Ma and Pa when they see your barest of hellos.