Columns

Maybe the glory days of Scarfiedom are over, and maybe they’re not. Regardless, we don’t have to go to far back in the archives to find some truly awesome scarfie antics.

The Editor of a certain student magazine remembers the poor sod who was last to turn 18 at UniCol in his first year. When the youngster was taken out for his first legal night on the town, a small army of dedicated pranksters set about moving the entirety of his eighth-floor room down to an empty room on the ground floor. The well-inebriated fresher was eventually returned to his new room and put to bed. After letting him have a little shut-eye his fellow freshers barged in and woke him up with screams of alarm. Before the poor bugger even had time to think, he was thrown kicking and screaming out of the open window. The poor guy screamed for nearly a minute before he noticed that he wasn’t plummeting eight storeys to his death. Suffice it to say he was fairly traumatised.

Another story from the days of yore involved a particularly unlucky young girl receiving a knock to the head while boogying away on the Bowler (ask someone old, preferably over 40, about the Bowler) dance floor during the annual physio toga party. Disoriented, and with blood streaming down her snoz, the poor lass bowled into the men’s room, and locked herself into the middle cubical.

Sadly, the combination of a knock to the head and few too many cold ones quickly rendered her unconscious. At the end of the night two lucky bouncers found her covered in her own vomit and blood, still passed out on the shitter. Alarmed after waking up to being poked by a pool cue, the poor thing looked up to see two large Polynesian men staring down at her. She quickly hoisted up her panties, (still soaked in her own vomit), and ran out of the bar screaming her head off. Woe betide the guy that picked her up on the walk home.

And while we’re talking about the Bowler, we can’t fail to mention its notorious manager. After putting on “Wife Beater Wednesdays”, and offering free beer to anyone who brought a live horse into the bar, he was finally charged with sedition after offering to give away a petrol-soaked coach. Ah, the good old days.
Love your ways Dunedin

The Scarfie Archivist