Kanye
He calls himself “a handsome overachieving single.” He’s studying law and says he loves books, movies and “ya know intellectual stuff.”We not sure how much he paid her.
T here she was. Walking into Di Lusso. She caught my eye, and I knew this was going to be a good night. I could tell. After three Moscow Mules, discovering my date’s denial of people copulating after 40 and an empty bar tab, we decided we’d hit the town, only to realise it was only 10. So we went on a crawl to another bar and a drink there. It was only 11 and way too early to hit Capone, so I was, like, “you wanna come back to my flat?” She was down for that, so we walked back to meet the flatties. We found my intoxicated flatmates chilling in the kitchen, so we joined them for a good chat before the prospect of a flat party came to light.
My date was using her seductive powers of claiming she was “tired” and “wanted to stay at my flat.” I, in my vulnerable state, agreed to her every whim, and my flatties went off to a party leaving the house to ourselves. We got straight to business, no messing around, before we knew it our clothes were off. When it was finally time to “do the deed” I realised I had the wrong condoms. In my desperate attempt to weedle on a hugely constricting circle of rubber, the little guy lost his mojo and the night took a devastating turn.
In amongst intoxication and huge embarrassment, my personality was clouded by a surge of dickiness. When she asked me if I could sleep with her at hers, I was, like, no way, José. In amongst her sexual frustration and rage, she stormed out into the night without a trace. I wallowed in self-pity for five minutes and found bed my only comfort.
Thank you so much for this. Although it might not sound it, I had a really good night :)
Kim K
She enjoys travelling, reading and meeting new people. She says she is approachable and easy to get along with. Apparently doesn’t have time for bullshit.I started off the night with a couple of Cindys before I left my flat. Slightly tipsy, I was determined to get to Di Lusso on time and was delighted my date was already there when I arrived. He was handsome, charismatic and had decent chat to top it off.
Everything was going great and we were so deep in conversation that I’d forgotten about the meat platter we ordered; well, it was either that or I was way past tipsy and on my way to being overly intoxicated. After we ran the bar tab dry, he suggested we go to another bar around the corner, so off we headed and continued to have a good time. Things progressed from there and he asked me to come back to his flat as his friends were having a party, so we walked back to his with the occasional make-out session along the way.
When we arrived at his place, I met his lovely flatmates, who left for a party not long after. That is when things started to heat up in the bedroom between my date and I, until I discovered his penis was too large to even fit into a condom. As you may have already guessed, we didn’t have sex — sorry, guys.
I’d like to say we parted on good terms, but when he said he wouldn’t come back to my flat and stay the night because he’d be an asshole in the morning due to “commitment issues”, I was over listening to anything he had to say. Thank you, Critic, for trying; I really appreciate it. And as for my date, I don’t have time to put up with bullshit.