If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned – if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name.
And that won’t end well for you.
Rocky Balboner
He’s a fifth year surveying student who’s not been getting much attention lately. Now he’s ready for love in the form of an acute angle.L ove is blind, and apparently has osteoporosis too, but dayymn is she sexy. That brown hair, lush lips and low bone density combined to form one hell of a cutie.
Sorry I’m getting a little ahead of myself.
So after my history of premature EJ I thought it would be best to have a couple of rounds of tug of war before hitting the road. After all, no good came from a loaded gun. As every male will know, a session of porn will always go a little longer than intended and alas I ended up being rather late, and quite sweaty. On top of all that, I had to find out the hard way that Del Sol and Di Lusso are not the same place. Who knew?!
The room was dark, the drink was free but the music was shit, so I attempted a theme change to the smooth sexual healing of Marvin Gaye but Mr DJ was rather insistent.
Once initial nerves wore off, the chat started flowing. After revealing her interest in doing a PHD in reproduction I thought I had a sure thing.
We polished off a few glasses of wine, a cucumber infused drink and of-course a classy white Russian before haggling some house spirits out of the bar tab and hitting the streets.
She may have been the timid one at the start but by the end, it was I that was sack-less. The fork in the road approached. In one hand the deborturous blue pill aftermath of my flatmates. In the other, the glimmering red pill of Boogie. Why o why did I take the blue pill. Let me find out how far that rabbit hole goes?
A big thanks goes out to Di Lusso and Critic for the food and drink. Come on a second date and I’ll make it worth your while ;) In the eternal words of the late great Shaggy: “you are my angel, my darling angel.”
xoxo
Mystique
She enjoys good yarns and always tries her best to be funny. The second year biomed student says she’s never shy and doesn’t consider herself to be an awkward person. That’s good.On Thursday morning, I was slightly nervous about the night ahead, having no idea what to expect. After arriving at Di Lusso that evening having had a couple of drinks to calm the nerves, my date walked in just after me. We introduced ourselves, started with a glass of wine and some awkward banter. As more alcohol was consumed we became more comfortable and the conversations started to flow nicely and I was not sure what I was worried about earlier.
We ordered the seafood platter, so I thought I would have to wait til Capone to get my share of fresh meat. To my surprise it came early as they gave us the meat platter instead of seafood. However, the sausage laid in front of me was pleasantly satisfying and the rest of the platter wasn’t too bad either!
When he started to explain to me what he was studying (surveying) I stopped listening and thought it would be more interesting for the both of us if he ‘surveyed’ the ceiling of my bedroom. But I was keen to try a couple of cocktails so I pretended to understand what he was talking about and kept a smile on my face. I was happy because he managed to gain my attention back and the conversations became more intriguing as the night went on. At one point I think the alcohol was hitting me harder than I expected as I let it slip that I was ‘easy’. Even though it was taken out of context, what can I say #confessionsofaslut.
Once we were bored of hearing each other’s voices and had finished our last glass of wine, we walked for a bit down George Street and had some quality drunk yarns. When Capone was in sight, we exchanged hugs, blew each other kisses and went our separate ways.
Thanks again to the bartenders at Di Lusso – even though I didn’t get my seafood platter your drinks were amazing. Thanks for the free shots, they really helped to kick off a night that was better than I expected!