Dear sexcellent
I’ve recently just started sleeping with this girl and my friend thinks someone is going to get attached. Is there ever really such a thing as just sex, especially between girls?
Help
Commitment issues
Dear commitment issues
I am a huge believer in honesty and communication. Which is easier said than done, I know, but if two (or more) grown ass, capable, sober, and consenting adults want to engage in any type of relationship, that is none of anyone else’s business. If that relationship is healthy, and all the people involved are happy then far be it from me to tell you how to run that relationship. A relationship can be purely physical, and at the other end of the spectrum can be a deep, fulfilling, soul-meltingly mushy love.
I firmly (and very personally) believe that sex is just that: sex. It is not inherently beautiful or breathtaking or mind blowing or emotional or life changing. It’s sex. At the same time, a lot of people see sex as something that is inherently special and loving. Sex can be whatever it means to you as a person: either it can be purely physical, or it can be tied up (heh) with the emotional side of a relationship: it’s so personal. I’ve had enough one night stands that neither rocked my world nor changed me as a person forever to know that sex and who I have it with doesn’t have any bearing on me or my values. But that’s me.
As long as you girls are being safe (dental dams. Please. Google. Learn. Use.) and are both happy with whatever you decide: no feelings, no strings, or whatever the decision is: then there is nothing to worry about. Be honest, be open, communicate. Being gay doesn’t change sex from being sex: it’s still so very much a personal interpretation of the physical acts that makes it what it is. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you should deny yourself the pleasure (if you’re lucky) from the meaningless and often disappointing cultures of one night stands and friends with benefits that drunk straight Dunedinites everywhere know and love.
Love,
Sexcellent