Dear Sexcellent,
While I’ve had a lot of sex, I don’t think I’ve ever had an oragasm (I’m a girl). What to do?
-From Seriously Frustrated
Get a vibrator. Boom, done.
But in all seriousness, orgasm can be elusive for those unfamiliar with their own or their partner’s body. If you’re struggling to achieve orgasm, the best way forward is to get familiar with your body on your own. Once you know how to get yourself there, it’s a lot easier to instruct a partner exactly what needs to be done to get you off.
The easiest way to achieve female orgasm is through clitoral stimulus. To find the clitoris, you’ll be looking towards the top of the labia. There’s a wee bump which is the glans of the clitoris. It’s similar to the head of the penis and twice as sensitive—in fact, the clitoris is what would develop into a penis had you been born biologically male. The rest of the clitoris is internal, and extends down towards the vaginal opening. It’s this tissue that gets stimulated during sexual arousal and fills with blood becoming hard (again, similar to a penis!). Once the tissue is erect, the glans of the clitoris will emerge from behind the clitoral hood, prime for stimuli.
For women, orgasm can be dependent on the mood, setting, comfortability, and stimulus of the right bits on the right angles. Set yourself up in bed, read some erotica, watch some porn, or think about whatever gets you going, grab some lube and have some fun. If a vibrator is available, this will probably help. Focus on the clitoris, be gentle, and do what makes you feel good. Every person’s anatomy is different and it may be easier for some and more difficult for others. Take your time and don’t worry.
If you keep trying and have no luck at all, then I would suggest checking in with your doctor—there may be a medical reason behind your lack of orgasming fun.
And I can’t stress this enough—have fun!
Love,
-S xx