Righto lads time to sit your masculinity complex on the shelf for a minute and enjoy a truly delicious drink. Honestly, I’ve got no time for anyone who uses the term “bitch drinks,” because if you think drinking beers instead of vodka soda somehow makes you a man, you’re a goddamn child.
But these heavenly drops will make even the most backwards-thinking redneck who still believes in archaic gender roles for alcohol consumption rethink why they are drinking lukewarm 4% beer on a 30 degree day.
They’re like a Vodka Cruiser’s classy cousin and just like the classic Cruiser, they’re helping lightweight teenagers across the country take that first step in joining our glorious binge drinking culture. Who doesn’t love a delicious cold bottle of fizz with the added bonus of it being 4.8% alcohol?
Despite being 4.8%, after downing a box I was surprised to find myself coherent and behaving disappointingly appropriately. My theory is that their strength is offset by the fact that they are literally water. Water hydrates you and keeps you healthy, but it does not get you drunk, so overall water is a 3/10 for me.
For all of the talk about how good these are I would actually never buy them for myself, because the dollars per standard is so bad that I would have to drink expired goon for the next six months to let my bank account recover. But for all you high rollers out there that aren’t afraid to stray away from your Heinekens or whatever it is rich people drink, these may be for you.
For the rest of you battlers, who knows, maybe the 20 dollars you got from grandma for Christmas could be put towards something useful for once.
Despite how good a Long White is, us kiwis are a stubborn bunch and it can be hard to convince people to try new things. Like a bit of cheeky ass-play, new things can be scary but they can bring you immense pleasure.
Taste rating: Yeah not bad, yourself? Oh yeah bloody good mate.
Froth rating: Having a refreshing drink while you watch peasants work your fields on a hot day.
Tasting notes: Puppies, rainbows, really good sex
Pairs well with: Light summer salads, chicken parmesan, prawn cocktails.