Culture

40 Ways was Critic’s weekly listicle, popular in the early 2000s and maybe even the 1990s – the halcyon days when men were men, women were women, men were also women, women were also gender constructs, and introductory blurbs were worth reading.

1. Critic is the school lunch programme of student magazines.
2. Students are out of touch with what young people want.
3. It lacks the intellectualism of Salient.
4. It should really just be a TikTok account by this point.
5. Critic’s definition of high brow is shaving its pubes.
6. Critic secretly voted for Luxon. 
7. Its best features are its ads.
8. It has too many ads.
9. The horoscopes are undercover lifemaxxing.
10. Since the advent of the iPhone, it’s lost all its utility as toilet reading. 
11. It can’t hold a clip of bullets for shit. Oh, no, wait—that’s a way Critic is the worst ammunition magazine in the world.
12. Snap of the Week smells like parental neglect..
13. It lacks the punk anarchy of Craccum.
14. It should really just be an OnlyFans account by this point. 
15. It’s far too slender and thin-skinned to survive in marshy waters and doesn’t demonstrate any of the necessary sense of touch needed to grow into a fully mature sea cow. Oh, no, wait—that’s a way Critic is the worst student manatee in the world.
16. Its writing fucking sucks. 
17. It has been unreadable since drinking was banned in Dunedin.
18. It should really just be a neural implant by this point.
19. It is utterly useless at providing actionable information for where to safely bang nails into the wall from which to hang framed art. Oh, no, wait—that’s a way Critic is the worst stud magazine in the world.
20. It’s all political correctness gone mad.
21. It’s all political madness gone correct.
22. The Booze Review is triggering for uncool losers who don’t drink.
23. Just admit you stan the ODT, Critic. 
24. Daddy Grant’s middle name is Murray. 
25. It’s Radio One for book nerds.
26. You’re a failure and a loser, your life is shit, and it’s all you deserve. 
27. Issue 3, 2025, page 12 - an embarrassing grammatical error in the subhead. Classic example of a plural pronoun not agreeing with its singular noun antecedent.
28. It lacks the proud parochialism of Canta.
29. Pervasive left-wing bias on the puzzles pages.
30. Visit critic.com and you’ll see.
31. Its reflexive - and, frankly, tired - criticism of mainstream media makes it just like Reality Check Radio. 
32. A lady editor?!
33. It’s a fact that all Critic readers are virgins. 
34. What’s Critic doing to stop the creeping advance of populist autocracies?
35. It’s clearly written by ChatGPT. 
36. This magazine is so Dunedin, I half expected it to come with a free puffer jacket and a pack of Speight’s.
37. ChatGPT wrote that last joke. 
38. You can’t spell “Critic” without “it sucks.” The second word is silent.
39. It can’t even count to 40.