Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Things are going well, aren’t they? The progress you’ve been seeing will continue so long as your attitude remains positive. Don’t get yourself down.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Roleplay as the cast of Cars 2.

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Cupid’s arrow has been firing this week. ARE YOU NEXT?

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Make a sexy playlist featuring local music.

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

If you’re concerned about being too loud, congrats, because you’re being too loud. Sometimes it’s better to listen than to ramble.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Audio porn.

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

You need to put down the LEGO set and find the clit. Sometimes it’s not all about you.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Ask them to call you Mr. Worldwide. 

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

It’s hopeless, I know. Nobody is responding to you, and it’s probably because you’ve convinced yourself you don’t deserve it. Treat yourself to a nice evening, and remember who’s #1 before looking for #2.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: There’s a plethora of vibrators out there, most of them are very quiet.

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Is she really that into you? Probably best not to send that risky message. Do a bit more recon before going all in.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Try a new lotion.

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

Remember: it’s not you, it’s them. It’s always them. You don’t need to change a thing. 

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Inflatable Sex Doll 3000.

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

There have been a lot of Minions in your life recently, and it’s only going to get worse. Embrace it before it embraces you.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Sexy pics.

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

You need to embrace the sudden invites out, forget about work, and have a good time. Also, your drug test is not going to pass.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Grapefruit your man.

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

If you’ve been feeling a little lonely lately, it’s probably because you need to take a shower. People can smell it, it’s not cute, and you need to fix it.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Butt (and nose) plugs.

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Workplace drama is about to unfold to a whole new level. Make sure to keep notes.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Tell them beatboxing is your kink.

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

He’s a little young for you, but that’s never stopped you before. Just keep in mind that boys mature slower than girls.

Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Ski gear strip tease.