Chasers: Yay
First of all, just because you want to have a chaser doesn’t mean that you can’t handle a shot at all. Let’s dispel that common myth. Pres are meant to be a wholesome experience; if there’s a way to decrease the grossness, why not go for it?
Nights out are a marathon, not a sprint, people. We all know we have a shot to elevate our drinking experience – why should that be accompanied with a foul-aftertaste that brings down the vibes as much as *that* friend on aux?
Some of the haters may also claim it dilutes the alcohol. Dude, it's literally a sip of a non-alc bevvie. God forbid you drink a drop of anything else aside from booze on your Saturday night. Plus, alcohol is dehydrating. That singular sip afterwards could do wonders for your parched throat, already assaulted by what feels like Dettol poured down your throat. Surely that means 1% less hangover the next morning, right?
The flavour combinations are criminally underrated too. There’s a whole world outside fizzy drinks and juices. Anti-chasers are anti-pickleback (chasing a shot with pickle juice) and that is a fundamentally anti-Critic stance to take. Who knows what culinary concoctions you could be missing out on when your shots are coupled with coconut water or chocolate milk.
While you’re ascending to heaven, accepting your invitation from Gordon Ramsey for your achievements in flavour-pairing, your friend is in the corner dry heaving from a shot, too preoccupied to feel the buzz. Chasers mean locking in, straight back to the fun, and advancing the beverage industry as we know it.
Taking a shot without a chaser is like going back to the same ex time after time: Ultimately leaving with regret and a disgusting aftertaste in your mouth (before coming back for more the next week).
Chasers: Nay
Literary great Sylvia Plath wrote on vodka: “It didn't taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword-swallower's sword and made me feel powerful and god-like.” Why in the Bell Jar of shit would you want to ruin a metal as fuck moment by chasing it with a little hydro-homie TikTok-water sippy sip? Fuck right off.
Chasers should be saved for when you're consuming something actually gross. Perhaps you appear on Fear Factor and must imbibe smoothied maggots – then a chaser would be adequate. Why are you so disgusted by a drink you spent nearly an hour’s wages on? Down that sucker with pride and relish in the character building, utilitarian burn.
Staying hydrated while drinking is absolutely brilliant, and can save you a lot of pain the next day. Chasers are just the dumbest way to do this. For example, if you really, really, really like chasers – maybe even crave them at times – you might just be super freaking dehydrated. Make a habit of drinking water throughout the night. Remember to hydrate more than what you think you need, not just after the two or so times you have a shot. No wonder you seem to have the worst hangovers.
If you really need a chaser, maybe you just don't like the taste of spirits, and that's okay. You might find a particular one you like or a way of serving it outside of shots. Why blow money on top shelf vodka shots when you'd personally prefer it in a cocktail? Otherwise, chug a beer or cider or something that you'll enjoy.
Stay hydrated, drink comfortably, and for those of you who can handle it: embrace the way of the sword-swallower.