Woodstock have officially hopped on the ‘soft drinks made alcoholic’ bandwagon with the release of their Ginger Ale and Whiskey Lemonade. This move seems to follow on from the trend of brands making ‘healthy’ RTDs, which just taste like water that’s been left in your drink bottle too long but which, when you’re dying of thirst in the middle of the night, will have to do. Just say you’ve run out of ideas and leave it at that. That being said, Woodstock’s new range is sure to be a hit with any student who’s ruined every other RTD for themselves. Lemonade? One box, please.
You’d be right in thinking to yourself that Woodstock is the bogan bourbon RTD favoured by your small town mates. But if Maccas can make the leap from cheap feeds to their Gourmet range, why can’t Woodies do the same? The marketing for the Whiskey Lemonades is nothing if not desperate to shed the bogan stereotype, promising a “luxurious beverage” with “sophisticated and exclusive taste” and “effortless elegance”. Like the ex in your DMs, Woodies swears they’ve changed.
At first sip, Woodstock Whiskey Lemonade tastes like a much shittier Brookvale Union Lemonade. If Brookvales are the drink of the Kiwi gentrified, Woodies’ Lemonades are that of Waikato or Southland, sitting in a paddock with a room temperature box – or out of the chilly-bin for that “sophisticated” drop.
The taste is nothing to write home about, but it does the job. It’s kinda like the iPhone X you got as a hand-me-down from your mum or older brother. It works, but you can't play Candy Crush without it crashing. It has the classic childhood flavours of your first entrepreneurial venture with a handful of lemons and a bag of sugar, but with an added whiskey kick. I’d argue they’re the perfect hair-of-the-dog Sunday sesh bevvy when the weather’s so good it would be rude not to. Despite being a poor man’s hazy lemonade, its taste is unique given that spicy twang of whisky.
Clocking in at 4.8%, these are not your highest percentage beverage on the market. You can still kinda feel a buzz after one or two if drinking on an empty stomach (not recommended, grab yourself a parmie beforehand, bro). A box of 10 of these bad boys will cost you $31.99, which is criminal yet standard pricing nowadays. After three drinks, however, the taste slowly morphs into that of petrol. This made me feel like Lighting McQueen, except the finish line is the bathroom and the only people I’m racing are the voices in my head telling me to stop drinking and focus on the first week of lectures. Maybe Woodies are onto something with a whiskey lemonade or maybe they’re trying too hard to appeal to a younger, more upper-class audience. Go try it yourself. Kachow.
Pairs well with: Jamie Whincup Bathurst 1000 highlights
X factor: Student bogan aura
Hangover depression level: 5/10
Taste Rating: 7/10