Jan 20 - Feb 18

As the semester kicks off, it appears there is some romance waiting in the wings for you. Don’t let your commitment issues or dark humour scare this potential lover off; try and be remotely normal for once. 

Self care Sunday moment: Rotting with a hangover. 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Other people's emotions are not your problem. While you resemble an anxious sea sponge, you need to stop sucking up the feelings and burdens of others. Normalise not being an empath this week. 

Self care Sunday moment: Eye mask and journaling.

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

You seem distracted. Have you been indulging in a toxic hyperfixation? Are you stalking an ex you shouldn’t be? Whatever it is, you need to ground yourself. Delulu isn’t cute. 

Self care Sunday moment: Walking in the Botans. 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

Taurus, it’s time for you to enter your mysterious era. Sit outside Dispensary and act cool. Tell people you’re a Russian spy. Read ‘Crime and Punishment.’ People will never realise how boring you truly are. Optics, baby. 

Self care Sunday moment: Watching Oppenheimer. 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

6-inch Italian herbs and cheese, buffalo chicken, capsicum, pickles, jalanenos, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, honey mustard dressing. Thank me later. 

Self care Sunday moment: UberEats the above, or find another kind of 6-inch Italian. 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Exciting opportunities are on the horizon, Cancer. Try not to get too worried or nervous as this won’t hurry things along. Patience is a virtue, my dearest crustaceans. 

Self care Sunday moment: A solid root. 

Leo

July - Aug 22

It’s almost your season, baby! Start your birthday month prep now. Get your nails done, buy a new fit, splurge on a good bottle of tequila. It’s all about YOU and your atrocious decision making! 

Self care Sunday moment: Green tea and a cigarette. 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

All you want right now is Mexican food. Take an afternoon TikTok break and snack on some chips and salsa. Perhaps paired well with a citrus-flavoured vape? Or not. Live it up.

Self care Sunday moment: Binge watching The Last of Us. 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Libra, it’s time to restore balance and peace back into your life. Chances are you feel out of routine and out of energy. Try getting out of your funk this week, life’s too short to be out of whack. 

Self care Sunday moment: Mocktail and steak for dinner. 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Scorpios make fantastic cult leaders. You get off on insecurity and manipulation. Do what you will with that information. 

Self care Sunday moment: Making cheese rolls.  

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Normalise reality. Normalise not exaggerating. Normalise not telling elaborate stories. Normalise being normal. Please. 

Self care Sunday moment: Seeking therapy. 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Maybe you don’t give enough head, and that’s why you have an incessant urge to look down on people. Stay cute, ig. 

Self care Sunday moment: Getting a tarot card reading.