Hi Sexcellent,
All of my friends are having sex but at 18 years old, I’m still a virgin. I feel like I’m not part of the group when they sit around discussing their exciting sex lives. I really want to have sex but I have low self-esteem and I’m too self-conscious around guys. How can I stop feeling so lame and left out?
- Virginia
Hiya Virginia,
Firstly, it is crucial that you understand this—virginity is an outdated concept. But if you are saying you haven’t had sex, you are definitely not the only 18 year old virgin here at Otago Uni! According to a worldwide sex survey of 10,000 people carried out by Durex in 2000, the average age of first intercourse in New Zealand is 17.6, so at 18 years old, you are not in any danger of falling behind the pack.
Being a virgin at any age is fine. Many of my friends didn’t become sexually active until their mid-twenties, and this has not in any way negatively impacted their lives. Your sex life and what you do with your body is nobody’s business but your own and anybody lucky enough to be intimate with you in the future.
My primary concern here is to make sure that you’re not rushing into anything just because you feel like you need to “get it out of the way”, or conform to some kind of sexual social “norm”. Sexuality is just about the most diverse thing that we humans have, and there are no norms where sexuality is concerned—this should only ever be celebrated!
If you’re feeling like you have nothing to contribute to the conversations your friends are having, let them know—they are your friends and should understand where you’re coming from. Alternatively, get involved in the conversation by asking lots of questions, their experience could be valuable insight for you to use in your own sexual future. If your friends can’t be compassionate or respectful of your sexual inexperience then perhaps you should ditch those weak-ass hoes and find some better mates.
All the best and make decisions for you, not the rest of the world.
Love,
-S