Columns

Taste: 4/10
Standards per vessel: 1.6
Price: $20 for 12

This week I decided to try out the new Cindy’s RTD variation to see what they were like. The scene was a Saturday night red card with a sit-down dinner consisting of 3 courses of alcohol and a court session jammed in the middle. A Double Brown entree with a Diesel main and Cindy’s for dessert. We were all pretty hammered by the time the Cindy’s rolled around. I was quite keen to give them a go as the original Cindy’s must have done something right when they exploded onto the market a few years ago and went on to sell in pretty massive numbers.

The original Cindy’s were welcomed with excitement around the ghetto as thousands of freezing scarfies were subjected to the phrase “try this – it tastes just like Fanta!” It quickly became a regular for many on the Saturday night drinks roster.

The new green Cindy’s Brazilians tasted pretty rude and had a very strong vodka aftertaste to deal with. The lime flavoring tasted like the kind that comes from Budget lime soft drink. It was a pretty sickening combination and I was pretty glad to already be pissed enough to have lost half my taste. At 8% they didn’t exactly help sober me up, so that was their one redeeming feature. I’ve noticed the local liquorstores have been pushing these pretty hard and I wonder if it’s because sales haven’t met expectations.

By the time we had finished them the entire flat was way too pissed to head to town – not that it stopped us. Miraculously we were let in to Alibi and managed to stumble our way around the d-floor for a few hours. Evidently, the high sugar content of the Cindy’s provided some much-needed energy.

All in all the Cindy’s are pretty much exactly what they’re made out to be – a cheap, strong and sugary drink. It tastes like shit but delivers a powerful punch, great for punishment drinks. Independent liquor must be making a huge amount from Cindy’s sales and it’s no surprise that they decided to try some different varieties. I reckon it would look pretty crack-up in yak form as well.

—Pillbo Swaggins