Columns

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind.

This column is a word-for-word transcript of an actual message received by Critic’s online dating profile. You can’t make this shit up.

From: swetguy

Subject: hi J

hello how has your week been you been busy. names ---- I'm a jouiner by trade am a nice guy respects woman treats them.rite I play sports goto gym enjoy nite its as much as nite in also doing Random things at random times like just go for a drI've somewhere get out of town or trying something new. so what things you like Todo in your spare time . well if you like to chat check me.out.

From someone else:

I wishd i was ur favioriot guy, i wish i was the reason im in ur world. Wish i was ur faviort smile and i dressed for faviourt style