Columns

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind.

This column is a word-for-word transcript of an actual message received by Critic’s online dating profile. You can’t make this shit up.

Subject: whitty and kinky

well whitty is my middle name and kinky well don’t even start haha

still some time of summer hols left isnt there and if your not all “entertained” out im gaging to help out. ( a lil pun intended)

check out my profile pics are there too and let me know, im a westie too free most days and if you find a day om not horny n keen I must be sick.

happy hunting
x

Subject: pop quiz

summer or winter?
red or white wine?
heels or handbags?
lingerie or dresses?
length or girth?