Despite everyone leaving town for the Easter Break, the Proctor isn’t short on stories. We start this week with a young man who “for some unknown reason grabbed the top of his table, went to the top of Clyde Street, and let ‘er go down the street.” Fortunately, “it veered off the road and into the hedge rather than into somebody’s car, so he got away without damaging anything.”
A group of flatmates weren’t so lucky when it came to cars. “They burned a lot of rubbish next to a corrugated steel fence. A car was parked on the other side and the fence got so hot that it radiated enough heat to melt the front of the car. It was about $1100 worth of damage they had to front up with to replace stuff. Fires are just dumb, by any stretch of the imagination.”
The Proctor advises that groups heading away on field trips “should be aware that they’re still under the University’s Code of Conduct, and outlandish behavior in small country towns can still attract the attention of the Proctor.”
We conclude this week with one of the Proctor’s favourite topics: red cards. “Do some creative things,” he urges. “They don’t need to involve drinking until insensibility. I’m not suggesting you do it, but go and serenade the clock tower in a purple bathing suit for all I care.”
“I believe the Vice-Chancellor in fact has a small fund for people who actually do come up with very good ideas, which she may spring for a few things for the flat. So, if you come up with something decent then go for it. It doesn’t have to be healthy but it just can’t be dangerous.
“Years ago, a climbing club painted giant footsteps up the side of Richardson. Another time, Knox bricked up the front of Selwyn. But those sorts of things are interesting and fun. So with red cards, exercise some of the undoubted intelligence that people have and come up with something new.”
Proctology | Issue 07
