Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Feeling manic? Call your therapist.

To bake this week: your mind 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

You need to stop dwelling on yet another failed talking stage. You can do better than tinder breathas. 

To bake this week: chocolate covered strawberries 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Stop making shit jokes at the expense of others. You’re not funny, you’re just fucking annoying. 

To bake this week: rocky road 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

Much like your life, nothing monumental or interesting comes to mind for this week. Sorry.

To bake this week: gingernuts  

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

Hope you didn’t spend too much money on your Hyde costume, given you have two personas anyway. 

To bake this week: nothing, you don’t deserve joy

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

It’s time for your yearly STD check. 

To bake this week: lemon drizzle cake 

Leo

July - Aug 22

Have you been surrounded by drama lately? It’s probably your own fault, stop seeking so much attention. 

To bake this week: cupcakes 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Keep being on your hot virgo shit. Literally no one is as superior as you. 

To bake this week: caramel slice 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Newsflash, thinking you’re cool doesn’t actually make you cool. 

To bake this week: oatmeal muffins 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Stressful times ahead. Get that vibrator out. 

To bake this week: belgium biscuits 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

It’s time for a self care night. Think weed brownies and maladaptive daydreaming. Rest up, buttercup. 

To bake this week: lolly cake 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Did you know you actually aren’t right all the time? This week, try reeling in the shitty attitude. 

To bake this week: sticky date pudding