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It’s time to talk about personal boundaries, and how to navigate them. I promise, consent can be sexy!

Why is it okay for a gay guy to slap a girl’s butt, but not me?
First of all, it’s not okay for anyone to slap anyone else’s butt if it makes them uncomfortable. If a girl is comfortable with certain people touching her butt, and you are not one of those people, then you’re gonna have to suck it up. Gay guys can sometimes get away with this kind of behaviour because they lack the predatory air that this question (and those I have heard it from) effuses.
Slapping butts without permission has been known to cause shock and distress, and I’ve never seen it work as a pick-up move. Don’t make someone uncomfortable just because you feel stripped of your right to slap a butt. You don’t have that right. Slap your own butt.

So how do I go about kissing/sexing/butt-touching with consent, whilst retaining an aura of sexy? It seems impossible!
Far from it! I shall procede to describe just a few techniques you can use:

1. Expression of desire. Try saying “I want to [insert action here].” Whisper it, or make eyes. (Or not. I don’t know about you, but I tend to look murderous when I’m trying to “smize.”) It informs the other person of your intentions, and gives them an opportunity to respond with what they want; if your desires match up, get in there!

2. Invite. Tell them what you want them to do to you! Not only is this a cornerstone of “talkin’ dirrty,” it also takes away the need for asking questions you may find awkward. “Slap my butt” is a pretty clear “yes” to that particular action. Note: these are invitations, not orders.

3. Body language. This can be less clear, but probably happens the most often. Those of you trying to get your mack on in the bowels of Monkey may find verbalising your desire to slap a person’s butt difficult over the shrill screams of “POUND THE ALARM.” Look into their eyes – are they smizing? Touch their face/arm – do they move closer? Look at their lips – is there a smile? Then touch those lips with your lips! Once you’ve got that going on, you can let their hands guide you to their butt. Or wherever.

Also! It’s really important to remember that people’s comfort levels may change. A “yes” to butt-touching is not a “yes” to sex, and people could even change their minds and realise they don’t want any more butt-slaps. One “yes” does not equal forever “yes.”