Columns

Previously, I’ve covered asking people if they’re gay, with the conclusion that it’s not your business. But what happens when it suddenly is?

How am I supposed to react when someone asks me if I’m gay? I’m not, but I don’t want to come off as a homophobe when I deny it!
You’re right, a strong denial can come across as having a problem with being gay when you might not have one. You’re just not gay, and that is a fabulous thing. The best thing is just to shrug it off, à la Johnny Galecki of Big Bang Theory fame: “I’ve never really addressed those rumours, because I always figured: why defend yourself against something that’s not offensive?” If people start asking it a little more frequently than you’re comfortable with, well, stereotypers be stereotypin’, and the problem lies with them, not you!

How should I react when my friend comes out to me?
Assuming you’re a cool cat of an ally, this sitch shouldn’t be too difficult. You could brush it off as a non-issue e.g. “I’m gay.” “Oh yeah? I’m a Pisces.” However, this is obviously the conversation one would have in a world where LGBTQ+ don’t need so much support. Coming out can be a big deal, and having someone say, “Hey bro, I’ve got your back” can mean an awful lot. Things to do: reassure the person of your support. Things not to do: tell other people – let your friend dictate their LGBTQ emergence. Expectations of a “coming out” conversation vary from person to person, so mimicking their tone is a good idea: if it’s serious to them, take it seriously. If it’s an aside, a high-five will suffice!

I don’t support LGBTQ+ people for [insert reason here]. How do I politely tell my friend I think he’s [sick/attention-seeking/going to Hell]?
You don’t. I understand that you think you’re completely right, because I feel that I am completely right in thinking you’re wrong. No matter how delicately you phrase your problem, though, you will not come off as “polite.” If you tell them how wrong you think they are, it could force them back inside the closet, gloomier than ever. This is bad. If you can’t be understanding, just say “ok” and leave them alone. You don’t have to agree with someone to not be an asshole to them.

One day, hopefully, “coming out” will no longer exist, and we will all be considered a-/pan-sexual until stated otherwise. Step number one to this utopia: having each other’s backs.