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Becoming sexually active comes with a few physical issues, but it’s emotional ramifications that can feel like the biggest deal. This week is all about virginity, the loss of it, and why it’s only as important as you make it out to be.

Is losing my virginity a big deal? People say it’s a special moment, but I felt like it wasn’t!
“Losing your virginity” comes with baggage of all different shapes and weights, which we pick up from the many cultural influences we’re all subject to. If you felt like it wasn’t a big deal, then you probably just took a bit of hand-luggage onto Sexually Active Airways rather than the 23kg suitcase many people find themselves carrying. I’m not saying this to undermine whatever importance or non-importance it has for you, just to demonstrate that the significance of the “event” is personal, rather than empirical.

But what about staying pure? Having sex ruins that!
The whole “innocence” thing is part of the cultural baggage I just mentioned! If you have, since birth, been fed the message that having sex released a small animal into your body that ate your organs and that’s what cramps are, then you will probably be of the opinion that sexually active women are foolhardy and deserve that pain. It’s the same thing with sex and innocence – you consider sex-havers “impure” because that’s what you hear. Losing your virginity will not change your moral status!

I’m gay – what counts as losing my virginity?
To continue the Sexually Active Airways metaphor: Sometimes people take the train, or drive, or pilot their own helicopter. There are many ways to get to your destination (this is code for climax). “Losing your virginity” is basically whatever you decide is the most momentous occasion for you, because in all honesty it has no physical significance. Your body doesn’t spit out a ball of purity pus after intercourse. To share a personal story: I consider the second person I slept with to be my big debut, because it was a more emotional event. What I’m saying is that whichever interaction you see as most defining your entrance into the world of sex can be your moment of “lost virginity.”

I still think virginity is a faulty concept, but I realise it’s important to many people. If you want to make a momentous occasion out of losing it, that’s fine! However, it’s also fine for it to be a complete non-event. Remember to travel safely, kids!